Top 10 Beers to Convert a Non-beer-liever.

Ah, the brilliant beast that is beer. Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys of legal drinking age, there has been a great injustice. Beer has been misunderstood, by hundreds, probably thousands.

Ask the person who just squeaked “Eww, beer.” what they think beer is. It’s that disgusting yellow fizzy drink consumed by middle-aged men while watching football because of the unwritten Australian law which states they must or be expelled from blokedom, isn’t it? Take a knee kids, I’m about to blow your mind.

Your standard I Hate Beer Club card holder loosely has a story where their first taste of beer was a big corporation lager and it tasted roughly like the swill left after someone’s done cleaning out the kitty litter box. Then they bravely gave a different brew from another big familiar logo a go, and just like that they were done with beer before a decent one had ever touched their lips.

In my early drinking years I didn’t know there were different kinds of beer beyond what was lined up on the typically heavily commercial bar. So, Dear Anyone who hasn't been clued in yet; You know how there are white wines and red wines, and of those types of wine there are different styles, like Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz and so forth? Beer is just like that. 

Beer is a magnificently diverse being that can take you through all the flavour sensations. There are many different types of beer, many more different styles of beer, and hundreds of breweries making all those types and styles in their own way which results in literally thousands of different tasting beers. There's a style called Kriek that tastes like cherry, there are stouts that taste like chocolate and coffee, picking pot luck at the beer wall could see you drinking one that tastes like whiskey followed by one that tastes like waffles. 

Beer is an adventure. The rumours aren’t true. You aren’t supposed to acquire a taste for beer. There is no need to compromise when there are so many out there, just keep hunting until you find the one… or the several.

Those Hogwarts kids sure loved their (what I hope was 

non-alcoholic) butter beer. Fun fact, Saison’s (farmhouse ale) 

arose as a solution to make dirty farm water drinkable, 

and children commonly drank it. Hooray for kids beer! 

Disclaimer: Not actually kids beer.

Full disclosure, I am not a beer fanatic. There’s no denying for me that beer sitting on the “So terrible I've literally run for mouthwash” side of the beer spectrum is a real and ever-present evil. But I have tried literally hundreds of different beers. I've liked about 20 of them enough to deliberately buy again, and those few are enough to have completely changed my perspective of beer.

I don’t blame anyone for joining the I Hate Beer Club when the actual variety of beer is evidently some kind of huge secret, so here are some examples in different styles, with different tastes, from different breweries to try out. If you exhaust this list and still utterly detest beer, it really may not be the drink for you, but at least you’ll really know, because you’ll finally have really tried it. 

So, without further ado, here is my gateway beer list for the beer nose-upscruncher.

Top 10 Beers to Convert a Non-beer-liever.

ONE 

Lambic – Belgian fruit beer: Lindemans' Framboise (Raspberry).

First thing’s first. Belgian fruit beers. Lindemans or Liefmans will both be sitting in your local bottle shop. I take a lot of delight in big juicy raspberry flavours. Liefmans frambozenbier and Lindemans frambois were responsible for having me thrown out of the I Hate Beer Club and kicked in the pants for ever daring call myself a member. 

If raspberry isn’t your thing, Lindemans also make Kriek (sour cherry), Pêcheresse (peach), Cassis (blackcurrant), and Pomme (apple). Liefmans are now unfortunately only producing Kreiks and Fruitesse (mixed berry). If you happen to find you like this style, Delirium's product line Floris includes apple, cherry, raspberry fruit beers, also offering strawberry, mango, and passionfruit. While on the topic of Floris the product line also sports a honey beer (like a mead) and a chocolate beer, (literally chocolate beer).

TWO

Stout – Imperial Stout: Emelisse Bierbrouwerij's  Crème Brûlée

Part of their Innovation series, this chocolate and vanilla stout has a finish like a custard pudding. It takes a little caramel and citrus from the hops and the crème brûlée flavouring from the malt. The character that immediately grips is the aroma. It absorbs you and is already bathing your senses in the delights of caramel desserts before it's even hit your tongue. If you're not up for caramel, Emielisse also do an espresso version.

Don't let the blackness of the drink scare you away. Most won’t start their beer exploration with dark beers because the assumption is that it's the hard stuff for serious beer drinkers. It’s just a more full bodied big flavoured kind of beast you won't know you like unless you try. One to check off the experiences list.

THREE

Lager – Pale Lager: Akasha's Tradewind Lager 

You may have heard of a pale lager going by the name of VB. This is not like VB.

Now, I don't like lagers; the type is generally rated around 2.5/5 on Untappd so a lot of people recognise there are just better breeds of beer around, but I thought lager ought to be represented. Actual lager, not the stuff on the pub floor. Why this one from Akasha? A 3.7 on Untappd and the fact they've almost made pale lager interesting. There's a passion fruit twist and they've managed to cut out that usual violent bitterness. Tradewind Lager is available across Sydney on tap and easy to find but if you can, go to the brewery and have it fresh. Be warned though, intrepid beer explorer, it is a beery beer. Some folks at home are thinking this little number sticks out like a sore thumb on the list, and they'd be right. It's here because it's a lager that it hasn't been my first impulse to spit it out. I really wanted to put in an example of how even lager can have redeeming qualities for people who do just not like the taste of beer.

FOUR

Belgian Ale - Abby Dubbel: Chimay's Premiere (or Chimay Red)

A copper coloured delight that, heads up, will heads up (Get it? No? It'll froth up like crazy so pour it gracefully!). Gently spiced in that dried fruits way with notes of toffee biscuit hanging about.

Belgian ale dubbels and tripels are really good for those who just hate the bitterness of hops. It's a breed that is wonderfully inoffensive.

FIVE

American Pale Ale - Chili Beer: Shenanigans' Hoppy Gonzalez 

It’s called hoppy, but they’ve added what I imagine were literal buckets of jalapeño in the brewing process, so you don’t get a lot of hop. It's a spicy jalapeño beer with a citrus tang.
Like hot sauce? Get this jalapeño business.

SIX

Wheat Beer - Berlinner Weisse (Sour wheat beer): Wayward Brewing’s Sour Puss Raspberry

Low in IBU (international bittering units) so it’s not very bitter, although it is tart. I’ve had mates drink 10 of these refreshing pink drinks at a time because it’s only 3.2% ABV and is so tasty. 

Wheat beers in general carry a lot of flavour, so they can be a bit intimidating to the new palate. Go in prepared for the big and loud.

SEVEN

Saison (farmhouse ale): Deschutes' Zarabanda

Deschutes weren’t happy with just making a ‘good’ beer, so they hired a chef named Jose Andres who concocted a recipe which includes lemon verbena, pink peppercorn, sumac, and dried limes. They went the whole hog "Let’s get a Michelin star for this, only like, the beer version. Is there a beer version? Let's make one." kind of deal. It's being called the Spanish take on saison, tart with a zesty punch of lemon and so light it just vanishes down.

[This replaces my previous 'recommend to a friend saison' Sophie which was bought up by Heineken. It may be worth giving a go, but I haven't sought it out since the buy-out because they have a bad reputation for messing with recipes and I want to remember my sweet beloved the way she was in her prime.]

EIGHT

Gimmick Beer: Rogue's Voodoo Donut Lemon Chello

Some love a lemon liquor. If you’re one of them, this may be the end of your hunt for a favourite beer.

Okay, yes, I made that type “Gimmick beer” up, but it really should be its own thing. They are unique crazy beers that borrow from any and all beer styles, so some are even quite confusing to place and Rogue are a master at them. This one falls under the fruit/vegetable ale bracket and is a type of fruit beer because of the lemon base. But the lemon taste is more lemon icing, with marshmallows, biscuit, and sort of buttery vanilla donut.

Rogue got the name of this product line from the day it all started, when they were out eating donuts and thought ‘what if a beer tasted like this?’. They now make an extremely unique selection of beers including Bacon Maple Ale  (it’s smoky like smoked bacon and sweet like maple). If you’re interested in interesting, you might want to start here.

NINE

Hefeweizen (Traditional Wheat Beer) – Bavarian style: Franziskaner's Naturtrub (Natural)

You can get it at most German food halls in Australia. It's one of those traditional beers with a huge history behind it and lots of rules (Weißbiers brewed in Germany have to be top-fermented - by law). I personally find this to have that “Many cloudy, such hops, so beer, wow” attitude going on but a big banana flavour over clove and orange peel is distracting enough to compensate. Others swear this unfiltered Bavarian brew is king of the kind.

TEN

Stout – Milk Stout: Batch Brewing’s Elsie the Milk Stout. 

Milk stouts taste like roasted biscuit, vanilla, a little like ice cream. This one is sweet, creamy, a little roasted and a little smoky. Very sorry to those who are lactose intolerant on this one, milk stout is made with it.

Here's a good note to end on to change anyone’s opinion of beer: 

Milk stout float. Oh yes.

The existence of the Milk Stout Float. 

Yes. Adding ice cream to beer. 

Did you know you could do that? Or that it would be good?

Because stouts are so rich and creamy, they make a perfect dessert.

Beer is a brilliant beast; it has always been the drink of the people and is as much for Nanas as it is for big hairy uncles. If you hate beer, it’s likely that you don’t even know that you haven’t actually tried it. You tasted something that wasn’t for you, but beer comes in so many varieties that there’s something for pretty much everyone. It’s just a matter of finding it and leaving the rest to the bar floor. Don’t give up on it, not just yet.

Noms, Nibbles and No Regrets

-          Rebecca

Addition:

It's been brought to my attention that I've left out a beer that I had cruelly stolen from my partner's parched beer-craving lips before he'd even taken two sips. It was a Goze by Omnipollo called Bianca which is a sour mango.

A parting tip for those embarking on a beer induction journey:
If you hand your inductee a beer to taste because you think it's amazing, you may just find yourself without a beer.

Epic World Beer Quest

Introducing Jim “The Hops Whisperer” Cook,
you may have heard of him or seen him at a local Sydney breweries and tap houses chumming it up with the craft scene, not to make money but to make friends who share a passion in the pursuit of great beer. Jim is on a world beer quest to sample a brew from every country, which is no easy feat, there are 196 of them and this Brew Dog shareholder is almost there.

In the pursuit of unique and delicious beers he’s learned so much about the stuff that he has literally taught brewers a few things and become a go-to guy. He’s not just ticking off the list of places but looking for the best everywhere, an international beer taste quest. Epic. 

Epic Taste Quest: So how many countries have you found beers from so far and what region is really winning on epic taste beer-wise?

Jim: 116 countries, and I do count places that are self-governing territories among that. I’ve had better beers than I’ve graded on my blog, but it’d be a full-time job to keep updating it with the new best find. Europe makes the best – obviously the classics Belgium and Germany, but they’re being eclipsed by Denmark, Norway, and Scotland. You don’t really think of them as brewing countries – probably good for them because they can be more innovative with what they make whereas somewhere like Germany with the reinheitsgebot have challenges in the beer creative space.

"Oh shit ... I think I left my hat in Hong Kong." 

ETQ: How have you been sourcing all these beers, what are the hardest to get, and do you have any tips for those on this quest who can’t travel?

There's a North Korean
craft beer scene. Who
would have guessed?

Jim: One of the tricks I’ve used is going to a local restaurant of that region's cuisine and asking staff if they have beers from the country. Even if it’s not on the menu sometimes the owners will have a beer around. There are a lot of good Australian distributors and importers, you can ship anything from around the world if you’re willing to pay – drop to a US local post box, ship to Australia and pay duties. The third option is to have a lot of friends and hope they travel! (laughs) I got Myanmar, Switzerland, Vanuatu, and the Cook Islands among others from mates who have traveled. 

[pause] Oh shit ... I think I left my hat in Hong Kong.

The hardest to get... North Korea – everyone has trade embargoes against them except China, and even China don’t legally import Taedonggang. Monte Carlo – I had to go there to get it, at the only brewery in an area with pretty much nothing else in it. Places like Algeria, dry countries, there’s only one brew pub in Algeria and I don’t know how I’ll ever get there. I’m not saying never, I’m hoping rapid deescalation of hostilities in the Middle-East, but at this stage getting Algeria is not looking good. The real challenges are Africa and the Middle-East.

"The term ‘craft beer’ isn’t always interpreted correctly. It means it’s made for love of the beer, not the want of money. Big commercial brands come at it from a market share perspective as opposed to a customer experience perspective so when they try to make a ‘craft beer’ they're doing it wrong."

ETQ: Being honest, how does Australian beer measure up so far?

Jim: We’re doing well. Like I said, I don’t review every beer I have, especially Australian because I’ve had over 2000 unique beers in the last 2 years, but we, Sydney specifically, are getting good. Honorable mentions to Ekim’s Bezerker pale ale and all the stuff that Modus Operandi and Shenanigans are doing, I could list 20+ brands that are doing something great, something innovative right here.

ETQ: If you could only drink beers from three breweries in the world, which would they be?

Jim: 

Brew Dog, what they do is amazing – they’ve revolutionised craft beer in the United Kingdom. They really care about beer, they only make beers they’d drink themselves – they make it because they love beer. It’s not about money for them. 

Stone Brewing probably revolutionised the west coast IPA and produce some of the hoppiest beers in the world, plus now they have a Berlin site I’m visiting in August and really hoping they inject their ideas into that scene. 

Number three…. This is a hard one, I really have to think about. 

Bacchus brewing co. in Queensland make some really crazy stuff. 

Good stouts from Brewdog, good IPA’s from Stone, and a mix of everything else from Bacchaus with the weird and crazy stuff named after cakes. That’s a good variety.

"Apparently it’s got a serve of vegetables in each glass so I could supplement them in my diet  with beer!"

ETQ: If you could only drink three different beers, one from each of those breweries for the rest of your life which would those be?

Tokyo* from Brew Dog

Jim: That, is difficult. Punk IPA is where I’d start. It’s just so drinkable, not expensive and what you’d want Christmas Day in Australia. In total contrast is  Tokyo* from Brew Dog. A huge massive Russian imperial stout, 16% alcohol, thick and chocolaty and delicious... oh I can only have one from each?

"Enjoy By" IPA from Stone

From Stone I’d want Enjoy By IPA, made fresh designed to be drunk by a certain date, and so juicy and fruity it’s unbelievable. When they come to Australia they come in cold cargo containers and we get them about 2 weeks after bottling. I’d love to have one fresh tapped in Escondido out of San Diego.

(Choosing) One beer from Bacchus is just torture, he makes so much… I’ve chosen a Stout and IPA, I’d have to choose a Sour. I really liked their spirulina. Apparently it’s got a serve of vegetables in each glass so I could supplement them in my diet  with beer! (laughs). Enchantment Under the Saison, it’s a spirulina saison they made as a one-off for a Back to the Future event. And that’s how you get your vegetables.

"I love making beer, I love being creative and trying new things but when you marry out the cost versus the time and actual challenge of doing it, if you just want beer you’re better off buying it. "

Home brewed "Hopsolo Cluster"

ETQ: What’s involved in home brewing, do you have any tips for anyone starting out?

Jim: (Groans) It’s so much work. It’s way harder than you think it’s going to be. 

Tips? Sterilize everything repeatedly, temperature control is key – during the mash rests and protein rests the flavour of beer can go from amazing to rubbish with a variance of 3 to 4 degrees. Bottling is part of the brewing process and unless you’ve got a keg system it takes just as long as brewing.

I love making beer, I love being creative and trying new things but when you marry out the cost versus the time and actual challenge of doing it, if you just want beer you’re better off buying it. If you’re doing it as a creative venture and brewing it to challenge yourself to make interesting and different things then it’s tons of fun, and by all means do it.

ETQ: So, there are different types of beers. Stouts, pale ales, saisons, etc. Which do you find the most appealing and why?

Jim: Number one is IPA’s, small variances in hops schedule be it time or quantity you can change everything about the beer. While the malt profile is important for balance the hops are what give you bitterness and aroma. IPA’s are heavily hopped so different brewers doing slightly different things you get vastly different results. They tend to be the more bitter and more aroma packed beers –those “that smells like passion fruit” or “That smells like butts!” a lot of aroma comes from dry hopping, when the hops is added after or during fermentation but not the boil.

Then Stouts. Big. Fat. Russian. Stouts. That’s where you get your chocolate and coffee, huge flavours with biscuit and caramel and all that good stuff. It’s like cakes in beer. Most people only know Tooheys old and Guinness but they’re not really indicative of the style. They’re commercial takes on what’s really a beautiful roasted coffee and chocolate beer.

"IPA’s are heavily hopped so different brewers doing slightly different things you get vastly different results."

ETQ: Some people say that all beer tastes the same, either drinking VB and Tooheys thinking it’s the pinnacle of beer experiences or think it’s just sewage water so all beer is sewage water. When did you first realise beer was more than just shelf big brand?

Jim: As a teen and young adult I drank horrible beers as well, Carlton at any pub, it didn’t matter, up until about 7 or 8 years ago. Every Friday night I started going to the Rose (his local) and they’d do Monteith's winter ale, and (discovering that) I realised that beer wasn’t all Lagers. Monteith’s summer is better by the way. Stone and Wood pacific ale was probably a gateway for me, and a lot of people. It was probably my first time drinking a true ale (..The difference between lagers and ales is a whole other interview). It used a unique hop profile, it was small on the market and became really popular. Over the last few year there’s been an explosion of availability of craft beer. I still really enjoy APA (Australian pale ales) and pacific ales.

"No-one can drink a Garage Project beer and tell me it tastes like XXXX, it’s like telling me tomato and barbecue sauce are the same."

ETQ: For all those people who believe there are no good beers, mostly because they're under the impression that all of them are the same, what would you recommend they try?

Jim: Stone and Wood will get them started, then maybe some of the Garage Project beers coming out of New Zealand. The term ‘craft beer’ isn’t always interpreted correctly. It means it’s made for love of the beer, not the want of money. Big commercial brands come at it from a market share perspective as opposed to a customer experience perspective so when they try to make a ‘craft beer’ they're doing it wrong. No-one can drink a Garage Project beer and tell me it tastes like XXXX, it’s like telling me tomato and barbecue sauce are the same.

ETQ: Any parting words, plans for the future?

Jim: I’ll pick up 4 more countries if I can this year, keep hitting USA, Asia, and Europe up for great craft beers. If anyone (of our readers) comes up with a great craft brewery coming up out of Africa I’d be very interested to know!

Oh, and if you're curious, the price tag on these beers have been between 75c to $250 per drink. If you can help The Hops Whisperer on his quest with a Taedonggang, or have your own world beer adventure on the go, let us know! You can follow Jim's tasty adventures at World Beer Experience.

Noms, Nibbles and No Regrets

- Rebecca

The Worst Beer Blog

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Epic Taste Quest is lightly chilled. No attempting to make people see any kind of life-changing light, at least, not in that "Ouch! The very fabric of my being!" way. It may occasionally be only about as creative as wearing an odd pair of socks on laundry day where no other options exist. Gosh, you're so darn quirky Fred, wearing one yellow sock, what a crazy life.

You know those things that just happen and people start calling you quirky and unique like they have no understanding of those words. ETQ was a university project and is now in a chrysalis stage of becoming a thing, a thing that before said project was even finished ended up having an article printed by a magazine.

The flavour of the tone will change but remain but anticipates a reliable top note of was-this-even-proofread with a bitter tingle of trying-not-to-do-swears. It seems to work on that readability level. Sponsored content and native advertising is having it's rump handed to it in pop culture lately and ETQ won't be adding to that daily problem of trying to decipher between something just trying to sell a politician product, and something that actually has integrity. That banner on the right at the moment isn't even really an ad.

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Introducing the ETQ fun-size, a tl;dr for people who... use the internet. There's a good chance anyone forced to read a wall of text is going to bug out before they even get to the point. So every relatively chunky piece that goes up here will have an ETQ fun-size like this.

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